Birthday Breakfast in Chocolate Fire

My girlfriends at work have this thing where in we chip in on something for the birthday celebrator among us. We have been doing this eversince it's now become our little tradition. This year aside from that but we also celebrated in pairs. Josie and I treated them for a birthday brunch at the Fort last July and this month Edz and Gherry treated us for breakfast at Chocolate Fire in Leviste, Makati. 

I am really beginning to appreciate these girls because I am learning a lot about love through them. I'll explain.

Kami yung tipo ng group na, we don't really have anything striking in common but we're friends kasi nagkataon na kami-kami yung unang naging magkakatabi at magkakakilala when we were still new at this work. 

I first met Edz at the waiting room when it was my job offer. When she arrived, she stopped at the door frame, gave this big sighed of relief and smiled at us as if magkakakilala kaming lahat doon. She travelled that morning all the way from Batangas and she was there to submit her employment requirements. We talked and exchanged numbers that day and I mentioned to her much later that there was this likeable aura about her from the onset.

It was first day of onboarding when I first met Gherry. I was at the waiting room with the others and she was that pretty girl who caught my eyes when she came in the room and sat next to me. I don't remember feeling thrilled that she did that. I mean, who wants to be seated next to a pretty girl right? A dude. I'm not a dude. I was this awkward girl who was uncomfortable with her own skin and a pretty girl sitting next to me was exactly what I needed. I didn't think we're supposed to talk, but she started a conversation and we learned that we're both from Teletech and that had become common ground at that moment. I was supposed to meet Edz later but I realized I cannot get rid of this pretty girl so I might as well introduce them so we can all be friends. 

So we sat beside each other during onboarding and Josie was sitting next to us. We became a group, us and another girl, Rhianne, but she eventually got transferred to another department on a morning shift so it's just the four of us now.

I guess it's pretty automatic sa ganitong setting na kung sino yung mga unang nakilala or nakatabi mo ang magiging group of friends mo. But not all of that lasts. Eventually you would find people who you most resonate with and you'll part ways. That is true even to us. We've been transferred to different teams and we met new friends along the way. We hardly spend anytime together in the office these days. We go with our other friends during breaks. We have hurt and offended each other at one point or another. But here we are, still celebrating birthdays together. 

I used to be seatmates with this guy Glenn who can quote famous lines from the Tagalog films he's seen with his girlfriend. He says he watches them because his girlfriend wants them to. And to him, "gusto niya eh, eh di go". He doesn't care if doing so hurts his masculinity because the only opinion he cares about is his girlfriend's. He wants to make her happy. And that is love, it looks a lot like sacrifice. Kaya naman kahit hindi ako mahilig sa horror at nasasayangan akong gumastos para sa tagalog films eh napanuod ko ang "A Secret Affair" at ang "The Strangers" sa sine. Dahil kahit puyat, these girls would fight stay awake to spend some bonding time with a cranky person like me. It's only right to do the same.

Minsan wala kaming bagong mapag-usapan kasi walang bago sa mga buhay namin. But it's nice to know that if anything comes up, I have them. Relationships are not always exciting, sometimes they can be dull. But I learned that relationships happen to us but for them to last is our choice. And that choice looks a lot like work. That looks a lot like setting a side time and even money for each other and forgiving each other when we don't get treated like what we expect. 

Anyhow, time for some pictures. :)

 Chocolate Fire's interior, ground floor

 upstairs

hindi nakakatuwa yung cinnamon toast 

Each of us had sundaes, mine is called "Strawberry Sunrise". Pricey with too many calories, it's just wrong. But these made us happy, the giddy kind.

 Gherry taking a selfie with her sundae. Her birthday was in September. 

 it was gonna be Edz' birthday the next day

my signature bathroom selfie with my new haircut which I believe is a mistake

Last Shot

I'm at that point in my life wherein I am convinced that my hair, like credit card debts and gambling, is a serious problem and I need to do something about it before it destroys me. I should get it rebonded but thinking about the maintenance that comes along with it, I just want it chopped off. So I faced the mirror to decide what haircut I should get and the next thing I knew, I'm taking selfies of myself.

This is unfiltered, with no powder on hence the oily face (pero nakuha kong maglipstick no?). Do I think I look pretty? Yes. Not in a "ang ganda-ganda ko" kind of way but more of "I can't believe I can look like this in photos" kind of self-admiration. It's one of those delusional moments only self-absorption can induce. 

I really don't look like this in real life. But like most girls or people for that matter, kapag nakachamba ka sa picture you don't go saying "oh nice" then forget about it.  Let's be honest here. You keep the picture, you bluetooth it from someone if you need to, you share it in social media as if to say "Hey, once upon a moment I looked like this." That is exactly what is happening here right now. Haha. I'm just posting it here because there have been unfavorable opinions going around about selfies lately. I don't want anyone annoyed from seeing my face on their newsfeed against their will.

Last picture with my hair this long. I'm cutting it. :)

Then September Ends

I went out every weekend this September, just when I wanted to spend it at home to commit myself to being a nerd. Irony.

September 14. Alex and Aisa's wedding. 

Learning from experience, here are my tips to stopping a wedding: 

1. Dress the part.  

2. Pick a groom you were once linked with, but make sure you're not friends with him and the bride. They would never buy the idea that you don't want this union to happen.

3. Be late, but not too late. Arrive around the time the minister asks if anybody objects, not by the time they're already exchanging vows.

We headed straight from the wedding to some secluded part of the south for Kim's birthday party. Siya ang nalasing hindi ang bisita niya. The photo below has him dancing Gimme-gimme.

September 21. Terno Inferno in Saguijo.

Natarayan ako ng isang waitress who Jed was already unhappy about. Melay, who would not let this waitress ruin our night was ready to have a word with her but RJ and I just stopped her. Kinabahan ako dun, alam ko seryoso siya.

It wasn't really a bad night altogether.

September 28-29. Our last team building with Nelle as our TL (she has been assigned to a different team). We were disappointed at the resort (Alahbiga in Laiya, Batangas) but atleast we enjoyed each others company.

We only have 2 photos taken kasi wala sila sa mood. Hehe. I was taking little video clips using my phone at dahil nga wala kaming pictures, I was obliged to put them together. It feels different, good different. Iba pala kapag nagpopost ka ng shots ng iba kesa puro mukha mo. For a second, I felt as though I'm not narcissistic.

team nelle from Si Raqs on Vimeo.

To my surprise, quite a few people like what I made.  They're not that many, but the few who did REALLY like it. I remember feeling so humbled and touched I tweeted this.

Wake up. It's October. :)

Miss-Quote

We have a daily 15 minute huddle at work and Customer Service Reps are assigned each day to facilitate. By facilitate, I meant to act like the host, giving the floor to people with updates to discuss like the workforce, QA, Coaches, TL’s and the OM. Why do they do it? To torture us and expose us to stage fright until we’re numb to it. Chos. I think matutuloy naman yung huddle kahit walang CSP na facilitator. But since this company puts high premium in people development, gusto lang siguro nila kami bigyan ng exposure to be in that place – hell in front of people.

I was asked to facilitate Thursday and Friday and I just said okay to it. It's pointless to avoid it because it’s on rotation and everyone gets assigned at one point or another. This was my third time to do it.

I am this awkward girl who suffers in small talk let alone speak in front of a floor filled with people. So hindi ito parang na-assigned lang akong magtapon ng basura. It’s terrifying. Para akong nautusang magtapon ng basura sa madilim na eskinita na maraming ipis, daga at ahas. Gusto mo ‘yun?

What makes it extra dreadful is the pressure of owning the moment. They are giving you the permission to be impressive but if you take the risk, be aware that there is chance to fail miserably. It’s make or break. Meron isang nagpauso magrecite ng memorable quotes at mula noon yun na ang naging pamantayan. Bwisit na ‘yan. I remember someone even sang. A friend of mine delivered a bible verse. Those who are too cool to give a damn won’t bother doing anything.

I wanted to be one of those who are too cool to care, but I prepared a quote in case makantiyawan. Ayan tuloy, nakantiyawan nga. So with my red face (someone said so) and with shaking voice and hands, I read a Brandon Boyd quote I wrote on a crumpled Post-It I was holding, added 1 or 2 sentences about it, and surprisingly, I think they liked it. It’s one of those moments na pakiramdam mo nakachamba ka pero alam mong hindi ba mauulit. But on Friday I chose a Francis Kong quote and I thought I did even better than the day before. Our OM remembered me for it.

I can never act cool around compliments. I’d always be uncomfortable, letting out an awkward pout and a shy smile. But this time I felt like I was in kindergarten stamped with a star for reciting in class. I was still awkward but I was grinning ear to ear! Nagbow pa ako nung Thursday, no kidding. How I wish I was making this up but this really happened. Naalala ko tuloy yung Little Miss Philippines. (May kasabihan po tayo, bow. )

Yun lang hindi makamove on no, bin-log ko pa. Actually, may natutunan ako and that is why I am writing about it. 

This is what I realized. Minsan we just want to blend, be normal, be just like everyone else. That’s a safe place. I could have chosen to not share any quote and do it like the rest and just be done with it. It’s cool to act like you don’t care. It’s baduy to recite a quote. But nobody benefits if we play small. I remember a quote from the movie Coach Carter which has a new meaning to me now, it totally makes sense. We hide our light kasi ayaw natin matawag na pabibo. But that is like refusing to stand out because mediocrity is the norm. It doesn’t help anyone. Our OM said that the huddle facilitators should do it like I did (nagkantiwayan mga teammates kong lalaki , lalo tuloy akong nahiya).  Someone who accepted the challenge told a parable at kinabog ang lola mo. Nagbiro yung teammate ko, next time daw essay and ihanda ko. Uneasy yung feeling ng ganun, yung bumabalik pa din sakin yung joke. Haha. But I like it that my colleagues are being creative, because seriously, masaya siya. We would go back to our stations laughing and smiling and teasing each other.

Is this just about preparing something for the daily huddles?  No.

Life is more than just these 15 minute shining moments. There’s a big world to conquer and battles to fight out there. We should discover our unique gifting and give it our best. If it’s sports you are good at, play big and work hard and never stop growing. But don’t forget to be humble. There is a thin line between embracing who you are, self promotion and insecurity. I notice the insecure people are most likely the ones who tend to brag.

While being excellent is a good thing, I have to constantly remind myself that what makes it a curse it when we start to think of ourselves as better than others.  Aaminin kong meron akong issue sa mga taong more than thinking highly of themselves, ipaparamdam pa sa’yo na mas lamang siya. I am not attracted to those. I like excellence that inspires, not belittles.

God did not give me the looks of a supermodel. But he made me smart and sensitive, I think. He gave me a heart that breaks and rejoices even for the little things in life. In embracing my unique hard-wiring, there is less energy spent in making an impact however small it is, because that is how I was naturally made. (Kung makasabi ako na smart ako akala mo kung sinong may pangontra sa nuclear weapon ng Korea no? I also realized calling myself sensitive is like claiming I’m humble. You don’t announce these things. )

Let me end this post by sharing this quote from the movie Coach Carter that resonates to these thoughts I’m having.  Yes, another quote. I must have an affinity for them. Haha.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Quotes for Timo Cruz from Coach Carter (2005)

I Love You All

Meron akong officemate, na kapag may ayaw siya, she is not afraid to let it show and wala siyang paki kung may makapansin. Kunwari may nagbiro sa kanya and hindi niya trip yung joke, she won't even make an effort to be a good sport. She would pretend not hearing anything, won't make a reaction, at kami na lang na mga tumawa ang maiilang at mapapahiya. I get wowed by that sometimes, na ang cool nun and sana minsan ganun din ako. I am talking about being true to how you feel and not feeling a need to apologize for it. 

Naalala ko 'to kasi I had a recent incident of being annoyed but I was finding myself making an effort to fake that I am okay. I signed up to join this small group in church and there was this girl na nakakailang kasi ang gulo. While I introduced myself, she giggled and made these little movements that were so distracting I remember feeling disrespected. Her turn to talk came around and in my head I was saying "I don't like you". I was also thinking of not coming back next week. Then I got this thought - I cannot keep doing this, shutting people out because of what I thought of them. As the session rolled around, I saw how she interrupted the others too and I realized, she is just like that. I reminded myself that this is just one of the more obvious cases of how people are different from each other.

Today I read about how people can get critical and I got so guilty of it, it inspired me to write this. Being introvert and melancholic, it's not my thing to be out there and interact with people outside my circle which is family and chosen friends. So if I meet people with personalities that are not what I was accustomed to, I tend to back away, be uncomfortable and judge. I don't think this attitude makes anyone a terrible person, if anything it makes us human. Annoyed is what you get around anything annoying. Hurt is what you feel for anything hurtful. Kapag may mabaho, magtatakip ka ng ilong. Kapag mainit, we feel discomfort. Tao tayo eh so we react to these things. But our humanity is flawed, so not because its natural to us makes them okay to do.

This is just not a matter of dismissing the idea of first impressions and judging people. What if people are more than just annoying? Ang mundo ay puno ng makasarili at makasalanang tao, kapag hindi ka tinablan its either bato ka, or isa kang anghel. I doubt that this next thing I will say will always be how I'd respond, but I have learned that the Christlike attitude towards this is to be loving and accepting. 

This is one thing that the Lord has been teaching me this year - loving people. Seeing others as people Jesus also died for. I know this sounds very churchy so let me add that this is not at all easy. I've been hurt and let down many times and that makes me distant and cold, pinagdadamot ko ang sarili ko para di ako ma-take advantage.

I can't remember the exact way she said it, pero sabi ni Je dati, nasa itsura ko daw kasi na madaling kaya-kayanin. So issue na din pala itsura ko. More than magpaganda kelangan ko na din alalahanin kung pano ako magmumukhang palaban. But I learned na sa dami ng problema sa mundo, worrying about looking stupid or weak should be the least of my concerns. I can only be myself and as I do, the Lord will be my protector. He will also be my vindicator.

We hear advices about letting go and avoiding people who are not good for us. I do this. I stopped being friends with some people who I thought was not behaving like a true friend. I stopped talking to some people. I even unfriended some in Facebook. Now, I may need to re-think this idea. In Blue Like Jazz ito yung sinasabi ni Don Miller na we treat love like a trade. Ang binibigay nating love ay depende sa natatanggap natin. If we don't like how we are treated, we withhold our love and don't give any of ourselves at all. But I don't think this is true love. I read this from David Bonifacio, that love is a gift, we give it freely. And in the Bible, we are called to love people. I am no expert in this area, I am still taking it in.

It's hard. Gagamitin ko na 'tong platform to rant about the injustices done to me. There was this girl in the office who pushed me. Not figuratively. Literally. I won't go into the details, but I know I'm not imagining things, tinulak talaga niya 'ko. I didn't react but I was so tempted to rant in Twitter and tweet "FAT, FAT, FAT". Kaso meron pala akong nanay at ate na mataba so hindi ko na lang ginawa. I just stopped feeling the need to say Hi to her whenever we run into each other. At least ngayon hindi ko na siya kelangan plastikin. It only gets harder. We have this neighbor who blasts their stereo, I hate don't like them. But the Lord says "Love your neighbor" and here they are, the very definition of a neighbor, as in the house across the street, being so selfish, so insensitive, so unlovable. It's like a bad joke. And, and, and, these FX drivers! Hindi ko naman nilalahat pero yung iba sa kanila, ang sasalbahe akala ata nila utang na loob mong sumakay sa kanila eh nagbabayad ka naman. Like hello, the chairman of our company earns tons of mullah but would never treat people like the way you do, some FX driver you!

And I'm not even scratching the surface. That are many more bad, rotten, filthy people out there. 

So ano nga ulit yung sinasabi ko? Aaahh. Pagmamahal sa kapwa.

You see, it's not easy. But it doesn't make the idea wrong, or untrue or impossible. This is not even a new thing. It's been here, everywhere, we hear it in a Beatles song. We just don't get it.

I still get hurt and encounter people I don't like, but one thing I do as a start is refuse to harbor hate. Maybe I don't have to like people yet, but I constantly need to remind myself to be accepting and forgiving. I have to learn to keep an open mind, knowing that being imperfect as everyone, I myself can be annoying and hurtful too sometimes. 

Labor Day Randomness

Today is Labor Day in the states hence it’s a holiday. Some colleagues set out on a grand out of town vacation this long weekend but not me. My friend Erwin once tweeted “There are things we are asked to live without. I have my list, you have yours.” I favorited this because it rings true. There are so many things to do but with limited time and resources, that if I was going to arrange my priorities, travel and  going out would be those that I would give up without second guessing. I’m at this point where I have accepted that I would need to make sacrifices for the things I value as most important. I have so many unread ebooks, unseen movies and unheard of music that today I would just be happy to house-cation and consume them over too much caffeine. Okay.  That’s pathetic, nerdy and pretentious. 

Actually last Saturday night, Karen and I were supposed to watch Wilson’s band play next town (and I said I gave up going out). It just hit me when he was not responding to my text that I got the dates mixed up. He invited us for August 30 and that Saturday night was already the 31st. It figures why he texted Friday night asking where I was and when I replied saying I was at work, I did not hear from him since. Naisip ko, maybe it’s normal to mixed up the dates like that, but then I asked, if I like Wilson a bit more would that have happened? If anything, maybe I just agreed to go because I wanted to do something new with Karen. Like I wanted for us to meet new people and share an adventure together. It’s one of those things you have to experience because it doesn’t happen all the time. I’m talking about being the date of the bass player who’s got long hair and tattoos on both arms. I know, such profound taste in men (he skateboards too). Well, I screwed up so the closest thing I got to being that kind of girl is being invited to come, that’s it.

I finished reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green this morning. It was kind of okay halfway through but towards the end I couldn’t stop. I am not a big novel reader so it was a deal that I finished one in less than 24 hrs. It did not laugh out loud or pause to say “OMG ang ganda nito” like I did reading Blue Like Jazz but it sure made me cry. I think that’s what the book wanted to accomplish, yung steady ka lang nagbabasa pero nadadala ka na pala.  It is a sad book I tell you, in a way that isn’t forced. I felt a bit envious of Hazel for having found the love of her life at 16.  To think they both have cancer which is something to pity and this is just fiction, but it made me feel that. That’s how believable it was to me. Except for the killer quotes, like who talks like that in real life? Oh well, maybe people who are sick, dying and are in love. Reading this book also made me remember how I responded to BLJ and I realized that I really liked the latter for what it is, not just because I learned it from this guy who I was sort of getting to know back then.

Hamartia. A striking word or idea I read in A Fault in Our Stars. Quoting from the book, it is like, "The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unintelligent or seemingly in any way unacceptable stares at me and points out incorrect uses of literality and compares me to actresses and asks me to watch a movie at his house. But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that [cigarette] oh, my God, even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER." It’s a fatal flaw that ruins the whole thing, like that shiny red balloon in a Barbie's Cradle song. I totally get this. I did not know there was a word for it. Of course no one is perfect but it becomes disappointing when everything is great...and then this. Okay, how arrogant of me to be talking about other people’s flaws like I don’t have one. Afterall, isa akong malaking hamartia na nagkaroon ng hininga at naging tao. I have so many flaws that if there is one good thing about me, there should be a new word invented for that. Imagine someone saying, "You are so wrong in so many different levels but this one great thing about you makes you right." Hanep! Hahaha. 

On a redeeming note, I learned that true love is so powerful it overlooks the hamartia. More on this in my future posts maybe.

Alright, so how else did I spend my Labor Day? I watched V for Vendetta which is kind of spooky because in the book, Augustus suggests that Hazel watch it and I was like, I just saw that last night! I also saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again. I cooked Spanish Omelet, half of which was consumed by our dogs and they loved it! I listened to one of those Relevant podcast episodes. I read a bit about 30 Seconds to Mars’ 30 million lawsuit. I slept through a playlist of indie songs. I had a special bath in generous amount of conditioner and body scrub, it was great! ( I realized later that any regular shower can be epic for anyone who I stinks like I did.) I actually want more free days to do the same stuff. Except for my annoying neighbor, this Labor Day weekend wasn’t so bad.

To Her With Love

I have this reputation for being a person who doesn't eat much and I won't even try to redeem myself from that. But one thing I know, I am such a breakfast junkie. I just cannot miss breakfast. We had a neighbor who we call Ate Tita, who would come over everyday to do our chores. I don't let her wash my clothes but I think cooking breakfast is a special task for her specific for the middle child who works at night and comes home looking for breakfast.

One morning inabutan ko si Tatay ang naghahanda ng agahan and I thought Ate Tita must be late or something. Later I overheard Tatay telling Nanay that Ate Tita came by to inform him that she was not gonna be coming over for a while. We know she was complaining about having diarrhea the past couple of weeks and the next week after that, she couldn't poop. After having checked by the doctor, she was advised to be confined in a hospital for 3 days. Well, she never get to come back. She was diagnosed with colon cancer and she was confined for more than 3 days. She passed away in less than a month, at their own home, and today she has been cremated for 5 days already.

It was hard for me to wrap my mind around this truth. Everyday for the past 3-5 years I would come home to the breakfast she cooked. Ngayon, I would come home, check what's for breakfast then wonder who prepared it, Tatay or my brother Rap. It still feels like it was Ate Tita's breakfast. In my head, I would sometimes ask "ganon-ganon na lang ba talaga yun? Kailan lang, andito pa ngayon wala na." This is me pondering about the meaning of life. 

I wanted to question God when I learned about the cancer, but I saw His loving mercy when He finally took her. Hindi na kasi pinatagal at pinahirapan. Lahat naman talaga tayo dun din pupunta. Sabi ni Nanay, kapag daw tinatawagan niya si Ate Tita sa hospital, she would say "kaya mo 'yan ha" and the latter would strongly answer "kaya ko 'to kay Lord". I guess from that we can pretty much assume where she will spend eternity.

Sa aming 3 magkakapatid, ako yung anak na palaging nasa bahay pero parang wala din. Being the introverted person that I am, I'd always lock myself in my room and I hardly talk to Tatay, paano na lang kay Ate Tita. Ngayon meron na kaming bagong tagalaba at plantsa. One day, I heard her say that she used to have really long hair but she cut it and sold it for P1200. I felt the urge to be involved in the conversation.

I will call her Ate here because I still don't know her name. 

Me: Talaga Ate? May ganon pala? Sinong bumili.

Ate: Mga taga Laguna eh, ginagawa daw nilang wig tapos dadalhin sa Amerika.

Me: Pero dapat maganda ang buhok?

Ate: Oo. Hindi mo ba nakita yung buhok ko dati? Hanggang bewang na itim na itim na maganda.

Me: Oh okay. (hindi ko sinagot yung tanong niya. I obviously did not notice because of my lack of care)

Ate: Naghahanap daw talaga sila ng mga mabibilhan ng buhok. Tapos nakarating sila dito sa atin. Nung nagtanong sila, ako ang tinuro ng mga taga dito. 32 thousand daw ang benta nila dun kapag natapos.

Me: Ah talaga. 

I didn't say much but I was proud of myself that I took interest, I genuinely thought that was quite an interesting story. Maybe I should listen and care more.

Lately, I've been having this intense desire to be the best version of myself. I equate that to being better at what I do, accomplishing goals and being cool. Alam ko walang masama dun. I've been telling friends that God created us for something, for greatness if you will, and He is committed to help us be just that. But lately I've been thinking, is that all life is about? Being great? Some people even live for less dahil ang goal lang nila sa buhay is to live life to the fullest. They do that by going places and experiencing things. So I guess wanting to be excellent is not all that bad right? Maybe, but I'm not sold to this idea anymore. 

I met up with Brigs this weekend and Je told us about a story of her friend who was granted a scholarship abroad that costs millions. This, based on the moral of the story, is brought upon by having unwavering faith and boldly asking God for greater things. In a practical sense, this is how this story should impact me: I would want to boldy ask God to do great things for me too. We meant for these stories to glorify the Lord, and they do, but it also shows something about us.

Self-centeredness. This is where I am getting at. Sometimes it is always about us. Maybe we are meant to be excellent in a way that other people should benefit too.

I get these thoughts because Ate Tita left a family, who would not only have to deal with a loss of their mother, but from now on would have to worry about money for food, school and electricity.

I'm having these thoughts because if I would be honest with myself, I don't think I made any sort of impact to her life at all.

Maybe Blue Like Jazz is right. Maybe Joyce Meyer and David Bonifacio are right. Life is meaningful if it's focused towards other people, helping other people live better lives. True religion cares for the poor, the sick, the orphans, the widows and the widowers (kung makasabi ako ng poor parang ang yaman ko lang no?).

I heard Pastor Paul Chase once said it: It's simple. Live a life that glorifies God and helps people.

Again, this is me being a saint pondering about the deeper meaning of life.

I am closing this entry with a song. A few months back when I was feeling messed up,  napapaiyak ako ng song na 'to. It gives me that feeling na 'wag ako madiscouraged, "this is not the end", better days are up ahead. I read somewhere though that this song is really about the after life. That our days here on earth are numbered and they don't always turn out to be good for all of us, but this is not it yet, one day "we will open our eyes wider". 

This is to Ate Tita who we miss dearly. We will see her again, someday. This is "This is Not the End" by the Gungor.