I won a coffee maker

I won a coffee maker in our office raffle. But I have a little secret. Prior to that, I didnt really want to win. Why? I dunno, it has something to do with being the center of attention. A lot of people are watching and anticipating who's name will be called out to win...say...an electric fan! And there something about it that makes me feel, people are ridiculing the whole thing. The winner gets to be made fun of, and bring home something for it. So I had this attitude na, "inyo na lang 'yan!" And everytime a name is about to be called out again, I was crossing my fingers, praying, "sana hindi ako, sana hindi ako." Hehe, seriously. Talk about anti-social no? At ayoko namang bastusin ang grasya, pero, couldnt they pick a nicer prize? There's nothing cool in bringing home an electric fan, or a Pensonic TV.

Then one raffle time, we were having a little coaching time with TL and some teamates and not really minding the raffle going on. Actually that time, I had a lot of additional raffle stubs, like 12 of them, but I didnt drop them in the drop box. Has to do with not wanting to win. Then in the middle of our team coaching I heard the announcer say our team's name. Sabi ko pa, "Team Chester daw." Then the announcer said, "Si Raquel". Ang bilis. Split second. Casually, my TL and I walked over the raffle area to claim my prize. I was thinking, "This is it. Ito na ba yun? Is this really happening to me?" I needed to pick out an envelope so they know what prize I get to win. Parang double-raffle. Double jeopardy. Double-dead. Tapos picture taking, and the winner has to model the prize. So picture me, all smiles, showing off my new coffee maker. =) Rock on!

Kasing bilis nangyari, ganun din kabilis natapos. Ganun lang pala yun, and the experience wasnt as dreadful as I thought. It really wasnt so bad at all! Para lang pala akong batang takot sa bakuna, because the needle spells pain, pero after the injection, parang kagat lang ng langgam. My TL being there with me has a lot to do with it. Parang bakuna din, takot ka, but if you're mom or dad is with you, you don't get as scared. Ganun lang pala yun, I was thinking. After that, I was hoping sana yung DVD player ang nakuha ko. Parang batang takot sa Anchor's Away, pero after the experience, hoping sana sa Space Shuttle sumakay.

When I became an adult and started to take my life seriously, I started being on the safe side. I wonder, what next "ganun lang pala yun" moment I will have, and how many of them I will get in the future, if only I will get out of my comfort zone.

Hindi naman namin nagagamit sa bahay yung coffeemaker. I just know my nanay is the happiest with me winning that.

Emo Ako

Start pa lang ng shift yesterday, hindi pa umiinit ang puwet ko sa upuan, I heard something that's not only bad, it's something that can make my world fall apart. I tried to keep my cool on the outside, but inside, nawalan ako ng gana. I needed focus sa work and I couldnt do that then, so kung magpapauwi, uuwi na ko. At dahil nakikisama sakin ang mundo, syempre, walang available na ATO so hindi din ako nakauwi.

It might have been our last time together as a team because of the reshuffle so we had a team building in a place nearby and everyone was there, kasama yung iba from the other team. When some people get drunk, they get emo, they talk a lot, and have fun. I grabbed my teammate's digicam and started taking stolen photos of them to capture the moment. And I took great pictures worthy to be on friendster. I couldnt help looking at people, in groups, talking seriously, venting out. And there was this guy who all of a sudden, across the table, with his hand stretched out pointing at me, asked "what's your last name?" Nanginginig ako pero sinagot ko siya. He added, "You know, you're very observant. Napapansin ko kanina mo pa ko tinitingnan." And this is coming from a guy, who is maangas na kapag hindi lasing, imaginin mo na lang ano siya kung lasing na, like how he was at that moment. I really felt violated at that time, like, hey, lasing ka, lalaki ka, ako babae, and you're going to talk to me like that in front of all of these people? Can you be a little bit gentle to me? I even felt I would cry and I wanted to run home at that moment, dahil baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, matingnan ko uli siya, and the next thing I knew, binato na niya ko ng bote sa mukha. Sabi ko sa katabi ko, "badtrip naman, ang saya-saya kanina, mukhang uuwi ako ng masama ang loob ah." "Ikaw kasi, tingin ka ng tingin eh", sabi niya. Sinisi pa ko.

I refused to have a bad day, I asked my TL, "TL, nagalit ba siya sa'kin?" Wala daw yun sabi niya, pero nahalata niya siguro na I was taking it seriously, at naiiyak na ko, tinawag niya yung guy who happens to be his close friend. "Hoy, tinakot mo!"

"Uy wala yun, Ms. (last name here)" sabi nitong si guy. "I just notice you are very observant, and that's good. Matatalino yung taong ganyan."

And I heard the angels sing, Hallelujah.

Some say I'm smart, because I can pick up easily, I can give the right answer. By the book smart. That was the 2nd time someone said that about me. That I'm intelligent because I'm observant.

Nga pala, yung unang nagsabi nun naguulyanin na ngayon. =)

At hindi nga pala kami naalis sa team. And I had the chance to tell my TL that, I thought this time, reshuffle na talaga, and I was preparing for that moment na I could thank him, and tell him that, at first, I see him as happy-go-lucky guy. When he wasnt my TL yet, I never approached him for help because to me, he was the kind of guy who would give me the attitude. But when I got to know him better, I now know he is more than I made him out to be.

Nga pala, the thing I heard at the start of the shift that almost ruined my day doesn't have anything to do with reshuffling the team (because I heard about it the day before).

At the end of the day, atleast I didnt go home with a D- day.

Get Yourself Together, Girl!

Last Monday it poured so hard the route I was taking was flooded and it was so traffic, I was late at work and so are some of my colleagues. It normally takes 15 minutes to get from Tikling to Junction, but that floody night it took me 2 hours! I guess that's still okay, that's beyond my control. But I was also 20 minutes over lunch, because I overslept. Sobrang antok I must have just turned off the alarm when it went on, and went back to sleep. Nagising ako nagriring phone ko, I thought it was the alarm, but oh no, it was my TL calling me. I knew what that meant right away.

After a few minutes, TL asked if I wanted to go home, I said yes. Authorized time-out = undertime= underpaid.

Okay, it wasnt so bad. Though I went overlunch, atleast I showed up to work. Late is better than absent. I was convincing myself. But I still didn't feel right about it. I knew I wasnt being the best I can be. Lately, all I was looking forward to was my break so I can sip hot choco and lunch so I can sleep zzzzzzz (snore here). And oh, not to forget, I was always glancing at my Tl's station waiting for him to call out "guys, press aux meeting, aux coaching, aux training, aux petiks." In short, I didn't really want to work anymore.

Going home in the wee hours of the night, I was thinking why TL asked me if I wanted to avail the ATO. Why me, why not my other teammates? I was paranoid, I was starting to think TL was pissed off at me, he was getting irritated at the sight of me and he had to get rid of me! Or maybe, I just looked so 'tinatamad' and uninterested to him, when there was an ATO slot up for grabs he thought I might be interested.

I admit losing interest and enthusiasm. But thinking about getting a new job, elsewhere, maybe not. This place is a blessing to me and I have taken that for granted.

I gotta get myself together. I cannot pride on being a striving good girl without being a diligent worker.

God, where's my Mercedes?

I watched New Life yesterday morning, and I heard something from Mrs. Chase I thought is true.

As we mature in our faith, we can't afford to be silly.

"God, I claim you are going to give me a mercedes."
Oh well, can you afford gas?
"No, but I want one anyway!"
Oh well, then, can you afford insurance?
"No, but I want one anyway!"
Do you know how to drive?
"No, but I still want one anyway!"

This is just a scenario but the message is clear. I myself is talking God into buying me the Mercedes I liked from the display (not literal though) when I know He loves us so much, he will not always do that.