Seek Ye First

Lately, I seem to have lost my peace. Parang disatisfied ako of myself, of what I do, and I was thinking of that something na dapat kong i-aaccomplish. Nandiyan dapat ituloy ko yung practice ko sa comm skills, magstart na ko magsulat, maybe its time to put up a business so makapagstart na din maghulog for a house and lot.

I really had that feeling na I have to accomplish something to prove something. I knew I was being a manpleaser, I confessed it sa Panginoon. Pero may gumugulo pa din talaga sakin. Because of that I kept on searching. I was thinking and praying to God to show me what it is that is bothering me.

One example: kanina nga I was googling, and i do not have one focus. I was googling this, tapos jump dito, jump doon. That shows lack of direction. I do not know what it is that I really want.

Kahapon sinumpong si Tatay ng sakit niya. Being used to it, I was thinking it was one of those once-a-month thing and now this month atleast its over. Surprisingly kanina umulit, and I had a negative reaction towards it. At first I was really mad at God for allowing this to happen, but I couldnt deny that I saw his hand moving, na he may have allowed it to happen, but his protection was still there. While I was alone, I had an impression in my heart. Lately I lost my sense of purpose. I had been distracted but deep in my heart, I was looking for it.

I was humbled, and I realized, what gave me peace.

Its not bad to want to be successful and want a good life. That is God's plan for me, to bless me. But I forgot to seek Him first and His kingdom...because time will come this will all be over and God has prepared a place wherein Tatay is sick no more. And I should live this life looking forward to that.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 KJV