Monday, January 18, 2010

Yogi and Me


Euthanasia in dogs- una ko 'tong napanood sa Grey's Anatomy. Pinatulog yung aso ni Meredith Grey dahil sa bone cancer. At alam ko right then and there, ayoko 'tong mangyari kay Yogi.

Nung may napansin ako, natakot akong dalhin siya sa vet. Parang, I couldn't bring myself to take whatever it could be. Nakakamatay ba? Gagaling ba? Paano ang treatment? Magkano?

Diniscourage ako ni Ate Sarah na ipa-undergo si Yogi sa anumang surgery or matinding gamutan. Baka lang daw lalong maghirap at hindi din kayanin. Maraming taon na rin namin nakasama si Yogi, ibigay ko na daw sa kanya na pagdaanan ang sakit niya in a peaceful way and spare him anymore pain.

Nagkaroon si Pablo nun ng problema sa mata at dahil natuto na 'ko (things could have been different for Yogi kung nadetect ng mas maaga) dinala kagad namin siya sa vet. Noon nagkalakas na 'ko ng loob na dalhin na din si Yogi. Corneal ulcer ang kay Pablo na gumaling after 3 days. Si Yogi was diagnosed with TVT-Transmissible Venereal Tumor. Pwedeng i-chemo pero hindi guaranteed ang prognosis. The vet advised me to just put Yogi to sleep. Napanood ko na 'to sa Grey's Anatomy, alam kong ito ang sasabihin ng vet. Sabi ko we will get in touch when it's time. Bago 'ko pumunta sa vet, ginoogle ko na 'yan. May perfect timing din ang euthanasia, and I knew it wasn't the time yet for Yogi.

As the days go by, gusto na nilang patulugin na siya. Sabi ko, not until I know it's time. Biniro ako ng ate na hindi ko lang daw kaya. Naiyak ako. Of course hindi ko kaya. Sana, kung mawawala na siya, sa natural way gaya ng nangyari kay Enna. Hindi madali, you know, to call the shot. Lalo na at nakikita ko pa siyang masigla, malambing at magana. At ang pinakasimple niyan, hindi ko kayang gawin yung sa kanya.

Ginoogle ko ang TVT, at nalaman kong nagagamot ito. I looked around for the best vets, and I chose the animal clinic in Greenwoods Pasig. Mas malayo kesa sa iba pero reasoble ang price, chemo lang hindi gaya ng iba na may surgery pa, at very positive ang vet. At iyan ang weakness ng mga pasyente, yung sasabihin na gagaling pa sila. It was all hardwork- pakainin siya, paliguan, painumin ng gamot, at ang paghahanap ng vet na gagamot sa kanya. Pero hindi ako napapagod. Gusto ko talagang gumaling siya. Yun nga lang, nung nakapili na 'ko ng clinic, nagsimula nang manghina si Yogi. His bloodtest showed he has weak kidneys. Huli na 'ko, naisip ko. Pero naisip ko din, if it's time, it's time. Gusto pa din ng vet na itreat siya-free of professional fee. Nung sinimulan ko'to, alam ko kaya pa ni Yogi. Pero alam ko din kapag hindi na niya kaya.

Dumating sa point na alam kong Euthanasia ang best pero hindi ang pinaka-likable na option. This time, alam ko, it's time, and I care about him so much I don't want him to suffer anymore. Nung tumawag ako sa vet para magpa-appointment, ready na kami ng 9am pero yung clinic hindi pa. Inischedule kami ng 2pm. Tumawad ako, 1pm. Isang oras din yun.

Kalong-kalong ko siya habang hinihintay ang 1pm. Wala na 'kong reklamo. Quality time. I took some pictures gamit ang cameraphone, at gumupit ako ng buhok niya. Remembrance.

1pm, dumating na si Rap at Arjay para sunduin siya. Planado na, hindi ako sasama. I was trying so hard to keep a brave face, cheering him on, assuring him it's okay. Buhat ko siya at nung time na para ipasa ko siya kay Rap, niyakap ko siya at kiniss and it was very, very hard to let go. Alam ko huli na 'yun.

Kinailangan kong umalis ng bahay pag-alis nila dahil ayokong nandun ako pagbalik nila. Yogi being taken out of the house was the last picture of him I want to have in my mind. That was Dec 15.

Pinanood ko yung Marley and Me nung pasko. Pareho ng kapalaran sina Yogi ang Marley, pero sa movie, pinakita kung paano ginawa. Gusto kong panoorin 'tong movie na 'to nung mga panahong hinahanda ko palang ang sarili ko. Ngayon, masasabi kong mas madali para sa'kin panoorin yung movie after it was done kesa before.

Meron pa din kaming Pablo. Hands down, icoconfess kong si Pablo ang pinakacute. I see parts of Yogi in him. Nakuha niya exactly yung mata ni Yogi, buntot ni Yogi at buhok ni Yogi. Pero hindi pa din siya si Yogi. I have learned to love him to the fullest though, because he won't be here very long. Nung namatay si Yogi, I had the same question I asked myself when Enna died- naging masaya kaya siya sa 'min?

I am also determined not to have any more dogs after Pablo (masyado akong na-aatach nakakapagsulat tuloy ako ng madadramang entry sa blog).

Nung naggoo-google ako ng diet para sa mga asong na nagche-chemo, ang dami kong natutunan. I'm now starting to be a health buff. I have learned that fruits and vegetables are more than just good for the skin at hindi lang tayo kumakain para may laman ang tiyan at may lakas ang katawan.

I have also learned how it is to really care, to do anything for someone I care about. I cared for a dog who otherwise would mean nothing to me, but I have chosen to take into my life and treat more than a pet, more than a friend, but a family.

You'll always be missed, Yogi. I love you.

Draw me a picture



Marami pang finishing touches ang kelangan, pero pagod na 'ko. Ang hirap palang i-drawing ang sarili. Hardwork!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

A Prayer for the New Year

By Joel Osteen

Father, thank You for getting us through 2009 and leading us into an exceedingly abundant, far-and-beyond decade. We declare what You said in Your Word that with long life You will satisfy us. We believe that You are guiding and directing us. We aren't going back; we're moving ahead and going into this New Year by faith. We aren't looking at the size of our problems; we are looking at the size of our God. You are bigger than any sickness or disease. You are bigger than any marital problem. You are bigger than any financial difficulty. You are bigger than the job reports and the housing market, and we receive every blessing You have for us by faith.

Father, thank You for healing our emotions. Thank You for giving us beauty for ashes. Lord, You said let the weak say I am strong, and so we declare that we are strong, we are blessed, we are free, we are forgiving, we are focused, we are equipped, we are accepted, we are established, and we are well able to do what You've called us to do. We declare that our best days are right out in front of us! Let us be an example of Your goodness to the world around us, and let everything we do this year bring honor to Your name.

We declare today that 2010 will be a new year in our lives. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Team4One Christmas Party 2009


Yey! Nakaaattend ako this year.
Thanks Eli, I like this pic.