My Passion Statement

I have this little book called "Live Like You Were Dying" which I got from MV Doulos, and there's this one line from it that I really like, and it says "Do something that makes your heart beat faster every day." There's this other line that I also like, and it says "If you want to hunt tigers, you have to go where the tigers are." I'm such a sucker for good lines and the ones like these have this Red Bull-Extra Joss effect on me, if you know what I mean. Parang you're in some drug, your heart is beating fast, your mind is thinking, and you just want to do something, now! (Yeah, like save the cheerleader, save the world!) Actually this is one of the many factors kaya krung-krung ako the past couple of months- finding what makes my heart beat faster and hunting tigers.

I'm not going into details. Many to mention sabi nga. But one major thing I did- I resigned from handling the Youth Ministry. I still can't say if I did the right thing, but after thinking and praying about it I thought I had to quit.

I force myself to go to work, and I force myself to do ministry. Something tells me this is not what God wants for me. I know God wants me to enjoy, and I am convinced that He was the one who planted the desires in my heart.

The other night I was downloading Youtube clips of Nick Vujicic (an amazing person born without arms and legs) so I can show it sa Youth Service, and I don't know, I stumbled upon videos of Young Americans. I mean full episodes, 45 minute long videos! I can't explain the excitement I was feeling as I see the intro and the opening song run, I thought I had to download them! So I did try to download them but halfway through, the computer shop had to call it a night. What kind of a computer shop closes at 10pm? Killjoy diba? Anyway, I went home that night thinking, "babalikan ko yon, bukas". Yung feeling ng batang excited kasi field trip na bukas, ang dami niyang baon at hindi makatulog, ganun. And I really went back early the next day and I downloaded the videos. I was almost as happy like a bird with a french fry, almost, but not quite. Kasi when I got home, I can't find my USB. I was sure I took it back, so I was thinking I must have dropped it somewhere. Binalikan ko talaga mga dinaanan ko, and my last resort was to go back to the computer shop. I didnt think I could find it there, because I was sure I took it off the port, and secondly, who wouldnt be interested in keeping it? But just for the thought na ginawa ko lahat, I went back. And my USB was still there. The nice lady who used the PC after me surrendered it to the counter, and that was such a glorious time for me.

And I thought, this is how it feels. To like something so much, your knees tremble, you will do everything for it.

No, I will not kill for Young Americans and no, it's not my passion. It's just that it came around the time when I was really into this something, and seeing it again now, reminds me that there was a time I wanted this something so bad, and it makes my heart beat faster again.

Passion. Pursuing it...makes you krung-krung.

Just For a Season

Noong unang call center job ko, sa Ambergriss, I had an amazing friendship with my colleagues. But after 3 months, there was a major change and some of us couldnt continue working for that account we were with, and we had to part ways. I was broken hearted. Ganito pala 'tong industry na 'to. You will open yourself to people, only to find, it doesn't last. My sister told me I could always keep in touch, but I knew it's different from actually being with them always. We would not always be available and we would meet new friends in our new jobs. We could keep in touch, but the friendship will no longer grow. One of the many acquaintances na lang yung dating friendship.

So sa nilipatan kong company, I was putting walls around me. I remember the group of girls I was part of was planning to go swimming in the province. And I was like, no way, I'm not going anywhere with you this early. I am not going to meet your family in the province this early. I could use their company at work, that's it, no strings attach. I was afraid of liking them so much that when it's time to leave for good, it would hurt. They noticed it and I told them why I was like that. Well, I worked with them for a year, so things changed. I was the first one to resign in our group. And that day when I resigned, I forgot to bring my stuff back home, like my pillow and the stuff in my desk, kasi I badly wanted to go home immediately, as saying goodbye to everyone and seeing their sad faces was killing me.

When I left Team Chester because I was transferred, I was sick to my stomach. That's me. Hindi ako FC (feeling close) but when I get attached to a puppy that puppy stays with me. Now Bernie and Jackie just resigned, almost at the same time. Nakakalungkot. New people can fill in the spot they left, but it's not us anymore, it will be a team of people with the same TL and same team name.

Well, sa 2 taon tinagal ko sa work kong ito ngayon, I've seen people come and go. I've learned to be used to it.

I like to quote Pastor Joel Osteen, "There are other people that God brings to your life for a season. We have to accept the fact that things are changing. When God closes a door, it is because God has something better in store. Let them go. Your destiny is not tied to the people that walked away. If you try to make it work and it didn't, accept it as God's plan. Don't fight change. God will always bring the right people in your life." Excerpts from his sermon Living without Crutches.