You know how Christmas is about mixed emotions and can either be heaven or hell? Yeah, yeah, it's about the birth of Jesus and should not be about us, narinig ko na 'yan you preachy church people! Haha. But really, kung aaminin natin, sometimes it can magnify our feelings. You'd be happier if you're already happy, and you can be suicidal if your sad and lonely. My point is, this year, I did not have all that. Haha. Yun naman pala eh, tapos ang kwento.
December 23 was a Sunday, the 24th was a Monday and VCF Galleria was having a Christmas service that day. I should not really go to that because I just went to church the previous day right? But no...I wanted to go. I had to be there so I went. It was more of a family thing and I was there alone though Ate was just strolling around the mall while waiting for me. Being alone did not bother me, though I did hope that Ate was there to have experienced that beautiful church service. Of course, things could have been better. But no, it wasn't a sad Christmas altogether. I just have this unexplainable secured feeling deep inside. Chill lang. Sometimes I even wonder it's something to be worried about.
Kahit nung New Year. I was glued to Youtube and Facebook few minutes before 12, I even had to scold myself to go out of the house and experience the "salubong". Sure I'm excited about it and I look forward to what's in store for me this year, but I was not really into it unlike before. And though there were moments I got bothered by this kind of response, I realized it's actually good. I wasn't anxious about the things to improve and all the expectations because I already know what they are. I got it in me. I know what I want, I know where I want to go. It must mean that I have found myself.
A Facebook friend posted that for this year, his New Year's resolution is gonna be to fix his relationship with Jesus. Ganun na din ang sa 'kin. Hehe. Because what else can I think about? What better thing than that can I come up with? In the beginning of 2012, I was actually very hopeful, I think I even shed a tear when it hit midnight. But I took this year trying to be happy on my own terms, and that did not really do it. After all the things that I did and the realizations that followed, I am now saying this - I have come to the end of myself. Okay, I won't blame anyone for laughing at that. Big words, kahit ako natatawa. Haha. But really, switching back to serious mode now, I meant that. I've searched through my innermost being, to the bottom of my heart, and I have resolved that the thing in my life that makes most sense and made me the most satisfied is the Lord Jesus in my life.
Now I got to say medyo nagpawis ang mata ko sa last paragraph na yun. Hehe. But no, I'm cool. I'm chill.
This song is "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls. It was my song for the 2012 New Year and I am recycling it for 2013. Hehe. It says "Coz tonight's the night the world begins again". After all my mistakes last year, it's only but appropriate. I really need to begin again.
To 2013. Chairs!
