The Right One

Pag nagbihaye ka sa gabi at may nakasabay kang bagong ligo na naka-jacket, 90% of the time taga-call center yun. Bagong ligo, ibig sabihin, papasok pa lang. Pag nakajacket, maporma yun, taga-call center.

This month bumili ako ng dalawa...dalawang kotse! Aseef! Hindi. Dalawang jacket! ( hindi ako nangyayabang. Kinukumbinse ko ang sarili kong hindi ako nanghihinayang). Halos tatlong taon na kong nagko-call center, ang huli kong bili ng jacket eh nung 2005 pa. Matipid kasi talaga ko dati, kesa ipambili ko ng jacket itataya ko na lang sa ending. Dumating din naman ako sa point na ready na ko bumili ng bago. Pero wala ko magustuhan. Hindi ko madescribe kung ano yung gusto ko, basta alam ko pag nakita ko yun, alam ko yun na.

Sabi ko one time, "today I will buy something nice". Hindi pa nababanat ang mga varicose veins ko nakakita na ko ng "keeper". Love at first sight. It's not the type na bonggang-bongga mukha akong magwiwinter sa Russia. Simpleng-simple. Beige, khaki, plain, reasonable price, decent brand. Tumingin pa ko sa iba kasi ganun dapat. Natagalan ako...mga 10 minutes! Binalikan ko si "keeper" para isukat. Naiba ang pwesto, medyo itinago sa ilalim ng ibang damit. Hmm..mukhang may ibang nakakita at nagkainteres. Nagmadali ako dahil baka nagwithdraw lang yun at pagbalik eh mag-agawan kami. Ayoko ng gulo. Bayolente pa naman ako. Isang braso pa lang ang nasusuutan ko, bagay na kaagad. Babayaran ko na...anak ng credit card, nag-eerror! Eh dahil mayaman ako hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, kinash ko na lang. Walang-wala eh, ganun lang talaga ang buhay namin. Paglabas ko ng store, sikreto akong napa-yes! Naunahan ko yung kung sino man yun.

Then one time, going home from seeing the dentist, napadaan ako sa mall. I saw this plain black jacket. Sabi ko, next time na lang kasi kakabili ko lang. Pero naisip ko din, all this time I wanted to buy a jacket but couldnt find something I like, and this time, nakakita ako ng gusto ko. Pag nawala na ito, kelan pa ulit ako makakakita ng gusto ko? (Actually kung natagalan nga akong magdecide eh mukhang naunahan ako kasi popular item, parang isda, ang daming pumipisil.) Isinukat ko, hood pa lang kamukha ko na si Jlo. Umuwi akong hindi lang bago ang goma ng braces, may bitbit din akong paperbag.

Shopping for a jacket for me was kinda like looking for the "one". You look around and you wait. Pag nakita mo, you'll know it's what you want. All this time, simple lang naman ang hinahanap mo eh.

Always before, I have always believed that God is in control of everything and that He has everything planned out. Halimbawa lang, kaya hindi ako nakabili ng jacket dati was because it was not in God's timing yet for me, and that He knew, in year 2008, a jacket will be designed, and its everything I ever want!

But I learned from Kuya Kevin and from experience na din, that God will give me the money, the time and the need for a jacket, but He will not go malling and shop for a jacket for me. He will not decide for me, I have to do that for myself.

If maybe I decided long before to really shop for a jacket, I may not end up with the jacket I bought now, but its possible that I could have found a jacket I can like as much. If I only I really look hard enough and not depend on my belief that God will drop the jacket all the way from heaven to my feet.

But then again, naniniwala pa din ako, na if nagpapaltos na ang paa ko kakahanap, at wala akong natipuhan, then maybe I should not buy now, and just wait for the new ones coming out.

Matindi siguro talaga ang panghihinayang ko sa ginastos ko at naiisip ko 'tong mga 'to.

Happy Sunday!

I went out Saturday night and went home floating and dreamy. When I got up Sunday morning, I still have the warm feeling in me. I was early in church and I was practically dancing in 'praise and worship'. So happy talaga. The song pa, goes like.."Lord your goodness and Your love will follow me, all the days of my life, I'm surrounded with the favor of the Lord, always and forever...."

And the youth service in the afternoon was super!

Yesterday was a A+ day. Bad day happens so I gotta celebrate the good times.

Heart break on broken stuff and being broke

Early this year, I had my laptop fixed and the hard disk had to be replaced into a one. I know it's my fault. I didnt really take good care of it before. Asar lang, I keep on doing the same mistake. Nagloko na naman. I can't afford to live without a computer but I can't afford to buy a new one so I had to get it fixed.

Kung baga sa kotse, hindi ako enthusiast (or I just can't afford it). My laptop is not "pogi" it terms of itsura and specs. Para siyang...beetle...volks! Luma at mabagal, but it does what its supposed to do, it has wheels to take you places. Ganun din ito, I write with it, I prepare powerpoint with it, it saves my files, and it plays my playlist. (Not only am I old school, I'm also vintage.)

I feel awful kasi, nanghihinayang ako sa nagastos ko. Now I'm broke. I only have enough left to last me through the week. And this would not happen if only I have been careful. Kung sa kotse ulit, parang pinangarera ko ang beetle eh hindi naman nito kaya.

The other night, nakita kong may butas sa bandang kili-kili yung paplantsahin kong isusuot ko for work. It was one of my favorite. Tsk. Tsk.

And the other day, nawawala yung kapares ng paborito kong silver earrings. I've had it for years. Nagretire na.

It sucks to lose stuff.

Pero sabi nga ni Pastor Paul, material things are temporary. Naluluma, nasisira. It is the spiritual stuff that are eternal. I just have to shrug my shoulder. Oo nga naman.

The laptop is now fixed, and on the brighter side, atleast I didn't lose my files.

At yung blouse ko, tinahi ko na lang. Tago naman eh, hindi halata.

Plush

I took a quiz about how well one knows the movie "Almost Famous", and I got 14 correct answers out of 15 questions. I've seen this movie a hundred times.

http://www.funtrivia.com/submitquiz.cfm?passthrough=qid:137386

I remember a scene wherein one character was talking about how a groupie can be so crazy about "some silly little piece of music, so much, it hurts". Last Sunday pumunta kami sa birthday ng anak ng isang teammate, and we had videoke. I was not able to sing kasi, they're so intimidating, ang gagaling nila, and I thought the songs they choose are soo cool. One of them keyed in "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots (ngayon ko lang nalaman ang artist), and everyone was singing along. And I was like, "yan pala yun..." (tulo laway pa ata ako). You know the feeling na alam mong narinig mo na yun pero hanggang dun na lang ang alam mo, basta narinig mo na yun.

I'm having last song syndrome for a week now. I had to download it and get the lyrics so I can sing it over and over, para pagnagsawa, the craziness is over. I like it but not so much naman that it hurts.

Old school talaga ko. Ayos lang.

I won a coffee maker

I won a coffee maker in our office raffle. But I have a little secret. Prior to that, I didnt really want to win. Why? I dunno, it has something to do with being the center of attention. A lot of people are watching and anticipating who's name will be called out to win...say...an electric fan! And there something about it that makes me feel, people are ridiculing the whole thing. The winner gets to be made fun of, and bring home something for it. So I had this attitude na, "inyo na lang 'yan!" And everytime a name is about to be called out again, I was crossing my fingers, praying, "sana hindi ako, sana hindi ako." Hehe, seriously. Talk about anti-social no? At ayoko namang bastusin ang grasya, pero, couldnt they pick a nicer prize? There's nothing cool in bringing home an electric fan, or a Pensonic TV.

Then one raffle time, we were having a little coaching time with TL and some teamates and not really minding the raffle going on. Actually that time, I had a lot of additional raffle stubs, like 12 of them, but I didnt drop them in the drop box. Has to do with not wanting to win. Then in the middle of our team coaching I heard the announcer say our team's name. Sabi ko pa, "Team Chester daw." Then the announcer said, "Si Raquel". Ang bilis. Split second. Casually, my TL and I walked over the raffle area to claim my prize. I was thinking, "This is it. Ito na ba yun? Is this really happening to me?" I needed to pick out an envelope so they know what prize I get to win. Parang double-raffle. Double jeopardy. Double-dead. Tapos picture taking, and the winner has to model the prize. So picture me, all smiles, showing off my new coffee maker. =) Rock on!

Kasing bilis nangyari, ganun din kabilis natapos. Ganun lang pala yun, and the experience wasnt as dreadful as I thought. It really wasnt so bad at all! Para lang pala akong batang takot sa bakuna, because the needle spells pain, pero after the injection, parang kagat lang ng langgam. My TL being there with me has a lot to do with it. Parang bakuna din, takot ka, but if you're mom or dad is with you, you don't get as scared. Ganun lang pala yun, I was thinking. After that, I was hoping sana yung DVD player ang nakuha ko. Parang batang takot sa Anchor's Away, pero after the experience, hoping sana sa Space Shuttle sumakay.

When I became an adult and started to take my life seriously, I started being on the safe side. I wonder, what next "ganun lang pala yun" moment I will have, and how many of them I will get in the future, if only I will get out of my comfort zone.

Hindi naman namin nagagamit sa bahay yung coffeemaker. I just know my nanay is the happiest with me winning that.

Emo Ako

Start pa lang ng shift yesterday, hindi pa umiinit ang puwet ko sa upuan, I heard something that's not only bad, it's something that can make my world fall apart. I tried to keep my cool on the outside, but inside, nawalan ako ng gana. I needed focus sa work and I couldnt do that then, so kung magpapauwi, uuwi na ko. At dahil nakikisama sakin ang mundo, syempre, walang available na ATO so hindi din ako nakauwi.

It might have been our last time together as a team because of the reshuffle so we had a team building in a place nearby and everyone was there, kasama yung iba from the other team. When some people get drunk, they get emo, they talk a lot, and have fun. I grabbed my teammate's digicam and started taking stolen photos of them to capture the moment. And I took great pictures worthy to be on friendster. I couldnt help looking at people, in groups, talking seriously, venting out. And there was this guy who all of a sudden, across the table, with his hand stretched out pointing at me, asked "what's your last name?" Nanginginig ako pero sinagot ko siya. He added, "You know, you're very observant. Napapansin ko kanina mo pa ko tinitingnan." And this is coming from a guy, who is maangas na kapag hindi lasing, imaginin mo na lang ano siya kung lasing na, like how he was at that moment. I really felt violated at that time, like, hey, lasing ka, lalaki ka, ako babae, and you're going to talk to me like that in front of all of these people? Can you be a little bit gentle to me? I even felt I would cry and I wanted to run home at that moment, dahil baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, matingnan ko uli siya, and the next thing I knew, binato na niya ko ng bote sa mukha. Sabi ko sa katabi ko, "badtrip naman, ang saya-saya kanina, mukhang uuwi ako ng masama ang loob ah." "Ikaw kasi, tingin ka ng tingin eh", sabi niya. Sinisi pa ko.

I refused to have a bad day, I asked my TL, "TL, nagalit ba siya sa'kin?" Wala daw yun sabi niya, pero nahalata niya siguro na I was taking it seriously, at naiiyak na ko, tinawag niya yung guy who happens to be his close friend. "Hoy, tinakot mo!"

"Uy wala yun, Ms. (last name here)" sabi nitong si guy. "I just notice you are very observant, and that's good. Matatalino yung taong ganyan."

And I heard the angels sing, Hallelujah.

Some say I'm smart, because I can pick up easily, I can give the right answer. By the book smart. That was the 2nd time someone said that about me. That I'm intelligent because I'm observant.

Nga pala, yung unang nagsabi nun naguulyanin na ngayon. =)

At hindi nga pala kami naalis sa team. And I had the chance to tell my TL that, I thought this time, reshuffle na talaga, and I was preparing for that moment na I could thank him, and tell him that, at first, I see him as happy-go-lucky guy. When he wasnt my TL yet, I never approached him for help because to me, he was the kind of guy who would give me the attitude. But when I got to know him better, I now know he is more than I made him out to be.

Nga pala, the thing I heard at the start of the shift that almost ruined my day doesn't have anything to do with reshuffling the team (because I heard about it the day before).

At the end of the day, atleast I didnt go home with a D- day.